Audrey Burges – Medium

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Audrey Burges
in
The Belladonna Comedy

Excerpts from The Erotic Thriller I Wrote Despite My Overwhelming Discomfort with Sex Scenes

I invite you to fill in the blanks.

3 min readSep 25, 2020

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Excerpts from The Erotic Thriller I Wrote Despite My Overwhelming Discomfort with Sex Scenes

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Audrey Burges
in
Slackjaw

Our Family’s Swimsuits Were Designed By World-Famous Architect Frank Gehry, And Innovation Is Worth…

Kids, we haven’t planned a getaway in ages, and I think we deserve an escape — it’s time to squish our toes into soft sand, breathe in the…

3 min readMay 10, 2021

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Our Family’s Swimsuits Were Designed By World-Famous Architect Frank Gehry, And Innovation Is Worth…

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Audrey Burges
in
Greener Pastures Magazine

A Beginner’s Guide to Power Washers

You never know what you may find.

3 min readApr 20, 2021

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A Beginner’s Guide to Power Washers

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Audrey Burges
in
Frazzled

Things You’re Still Shouting At Your Colleagues Over Zoom, or Shouting At Your Children Who Are…

“Can you hear me?”

3 min readApr 14, 2021

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Things You’re Still Shouting At Your Colleagues Over Zoom, or Shouting At Your Children Who Are…

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Audrey Burges
in
The Belladonna Comedy

An Oral History of Saint Patrick by the Snakes He Banished From Ireland

The real story behind one saint’s anti-herpetological agenda

4 min readMar 17, 2021

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An Oral History of Saint Patrick by the Snakes He Banished From Ireland

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Audrey Burges
in
The Belladonna Comedy

I Shall Not Run, Gingerbread Man, and I Have Absolutely No Interest in Catching You

My children can explain my anti-chasing platform.

4 min readDec 10, 2020

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I Shall Not Run, Gingerbread Man, and I Have Absolutely No Interest in Catching You

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Audrey Burges
in
The Belladonna Comedy

Remarks by an Archaeologist Excavating Ruins, or by Your Dad While Clearing Out the Fridge for…

It’s really cramped in here.

2 min readNov 24, 2020

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Remarks by an Archaeologist Excavating Ruins, or by Your Dad While Clearing Out the Fridge for…

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Audrey Burges
in
Slackjaw

Pilot Transcript For HGTV’s “Playhouse Hunters”

Three property choices for a forced playdate.

4 min readNov 6, 2020

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Pilot Transcript For HGTV’s “Playhouse Hunters”

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Audrey Burges
in
The Belladonna Comedy

As This Neighborhood’s Oldest Rubber Yard Zombie, I Call for an End to Our Severed Arms Race

We lurch toward Halloween amidst gaping societal wounds.

3 min readOct 20, 2020

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As This Neighborhood’s Oldest Rubber Yard Zombie, I Call for an End to Our Severed Arms Race

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Audrey Burges
in
Frazzled

Games My Children Have Invented While We’re Trying to Avoid the Hospital

Hot Dog Snake!

2 min readOct 1, 2020

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Games My Children Have Invented While We’re Trying to Avoid the Hospital

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Audrey Burges

Audrey Burges

Author, THE MINISCULE MANSION OF MYRA MALONE (Berkley 2023); work in McSweeney’s, Belladonna, Slackjaw, & elsewhere. Twitter: @audrey_burges; audreyburges.com.

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